Alena chose her job over me. Which is fine. One thousand percent okay. It's a killer job, and with luck it will lead into the rest of her career. Which is perfect. To do that, she had no choice but to cut herself from me. I understand. I wish that I were that in love with goal that I would do the same. But, I wouldn't. Given the option, I'd have picked Alena.

     I don't know why I'm okay with this. Which isn't in reference to angry, but depressed. I'm okay. Maybe because it just kinda had to be. There was no other options for us to pick. Basically, it came down to marriage or break up. A god-given ultimatum.
     Like I said, I don't know which I'd have chosen, if it were up to me. Given the option, when there was still time, I wouldn't be here in Berkeley. Honestly, I was leaning toward the former. Alena wasn't. It's cool. She's got goals and something to pursue. I'm sure I'll do alright one day, but I am lost for now. Of course I'd have made the other choice.

     It's funny. In my world, doing things like Marteney has: actually moving in with my girlfriend, achieving things of your own free will; they seem impossible to me. I mean, I guess they really are. I'm here in Berkeley four years and somewhere else two more. I'm not in college of my own choice. I'd be here either way, but the main reason is my mom. Both good and bad. She's my propulsion, but for my monorail. Just one, straight forward track. Maybe as much as I'd like to say I'd have made Alena's decision differently, it dawns on me now that I probably could not have. Just now. Maybe for different reasons, but I would have to nonetheless. I guess that's why I'm not very upset.
     Who set the rules for this huge, stupid game?

�

---Danny