lostness - 1:38 a.m. 03.23.2003
Mildly bummed right now. Just mildly. Couple reasons.
Feeling a little homeless right now, a little lost. Berkeley is certainly not my home, and I've never thought so. Back home now though, things are a little different. Not hugely different; not in any big way, but different. New people hanging out with my friends to meet. New relationships among friends. People just mildly different. It's not like it'll be an effort to get used to it, but slightly off-putting nonetheless. . . Next problem is mine with Alena. I'm barely talking to her at all, it seems. Usually I'd talk to her about this stuff before posting it online, but I haven't talked to Alena in days. My phone says she hasn't called in a week. I call 3-5 times daily, with no response. I text message daily with no response. I still haven't gotten my "soon coming" Valentine's Day gift. I sent a package just cuz she sounded down. I asked for a simple picture of Alena, and she all but flat out refused me. Too much effort. She just got a new tatoo; it feels sorta depressing that there's something on her that I've never even seen, and others see it every day. She hasn't/won't send a pic of that either. I keep getting turned down for visits. It just seems like Alena's lost interest in pursuing us/me. Doesn't care anymore. And doesn't feel the need to tell me. Note to me: Set two hours aside tommorow. Work a bit.
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