letter - 1:54 a.m. 11.04.2003
posted cuz I hope you'll see it somewhere:
My pride is supposed to keep me from writing letters like this.
Usually does.
Almost did.
Still might....
I'm a fuck up, sometimes; I know.
Like this time.
Like lately.
I'm sorry.
The problem isn't you.
It's us. Both of us.
You have been on my case lately, but it's not your fault.
I understand you're stressed. I know it's crazy.
I should understand more.
Not retaliate.
Essense of letter:
I'm sorry.
I'm touchy. Really touchy.
When it comes to you.
Sensitive.
I'm sorry.
It's this.
I'm jealous.
Not jealous, resentful. upset. hurt. stupid.
I don't know. About this:
I'm never going to be able to hurt you as bad as you once hurt me.
You told me you don't care about me.
You did. That's what it means. I'm sorry; it does.
I can't really get over that...
I read it into other things.
It's why I wouldn't want to see you if you aren't free.
I feel: I care more about you than you do me.
THAT is what hurts me every time we talk.
That's why I have trouble being friends with you.
I still care about you a lot. Differently, but still.
When we're good, we're great.
When we're bad, we suck.
There's no reason it shouldn't just be good.
We aren't dating.
There shouldn't be cause for arguments.
I can't get over that one fact.
You hurt me really bad for a long time.
I have trouble seeing through anything else you say for that.
I see it behind other things you do.
Even when it isn't there.
The thought of never speaking to you again terrifies me.
I've been miserable all day.
My doodles are, let's say, scary.
I'm a fuck up, I fuck up a lot. Cause I won't always express how I feel.
Motivations.
That's the biggest one.
Speaking with you sometimes hurts, because I know you didn't want me.
Hurt me more than I can ever try to hurt you.
Not that I want to.
Heh...
I'm sorry,
I DONT want to lose you.
I just take it seriously when you say I'm messing up.
When you get down on me.
Sometimes, it just really hurts.
Something me back.
Please.
Eventually; some time.
I'm really trying.
I just don't know.
What's right. How to stop hurting you/hurting.
Sorry.
Danny
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